


Scars To Your Beautiful

by princessbluebella3



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/F, Foursome - F/F/F/F, James is alive, Self-Harm, vampires can be hurt by silver
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26160778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessbluebella3/pseuds/princessbluebella3
Summary: In which edward leaves bella for his new love interest, Jacob..Feeling worthless Bella returns to a old pain relieving habit.Can anyone save her ?Will anyone even care enough to try?
Relationships: Athenodora/Didyme/Sulpicia/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Edward Cullen
Comments: 14
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

I curl in a ball on my bedroom floor,still numb with shock. Edward Cullen MY boyfriend , my fiance,dumped me for Jacob Black,the wolf he always insisted he hated. His words still ring in my ears, _your not good enough for me Bella,your not worthy to be my mate,Jacob is perfect for me.But you...you are worthless.Who would ever want you._

And he left,the whole family left,taking jacob with them, without even saying goodbye.

I see now why they didnt want me,I'm just a pathetic human girl.Feeling the overwhelming feelings resurface , I stand up and make my way into the bathroom,blindly reaching for my razor blade. I dragged the sharp edge down my arm , sighing in satisfaction as small ruby beads of blood appear in a line,startlingly bright against my ivory skin.

All too soon the relief subsides,and I cut again deeper this time,too deep....

I know as soon as I did It,and the blood just wouldn't stop.I get light headed as black spots fill my vision and I fall to the floor, unconscious.

Fire.  
That's all I feel burning Its way through my veins,I hear a light chuckle"how do you like this?," .  
Victoria.  
I knew she'd come or me, but it really had to be then didn't it.Just when I was so close to the sweet release of death.

"we're going to have so much fun with you sugar." I hear a voice chuckle . James but it can't be he's dead.

The fire stops and could my burning body as I slowly open my eyes,and look into the cruel,smirking faces of Victoria and James.

" hello Sugar." James smiles as he walks toward me . I try desperatley to get away,but am held in place by thick silver chains,wrapped around my wrists and ankles. As I struggle they burn into my skin as I let out a hiss of pain.

"they hurt don't they Sugar."he asks "pure silver ,they are."

"but-but edward killed you ," I manage to say startled by my new voice.

"meet Michael." he says as an answer Looking behind him I see muscular man with short brown hair and red eyes. Looking at his eyes I become aware of the intense burning in my throat. "Micheals power is illusions," James continues"not very strong illusions but good enough to fool you and the **cullens**."

I wince at their name,I still miss the cullens,though they probably dont even remember me.

" you sure are a pretty little thing." Micheals coos,dragging sharp nails across my cheek,His touch burns like ice.

"can I take my payment now?" He asks looking at James.

"what payment?"I ask,I'm almost sure I know exactly what he wants but I hope I'm wrong.

"oh nothing really."he smirks"just a little fuck."

He steps forward with a happy smile,I shut my eyes as he begins ripping my clothes off,sucked into a flashback.

_I was six the first time it happened,Renee had gone shopping and I was left alone with her boyfriend,He cornered me in my own room and told me that he'd kill me if I screamed._

_That was the first of many times,he lasted longer than most of Renee's boyfriends did. After a year,a year of torture for me they finally broke up._

_I was eight the first time I cut myself.I still remember locking myself in the bathroom with Renee's razor and how all my worries were wiped away, the blissful silence in my mind._

_At ten I overdosed, Renee screamed at me,to her my life was perfect .she neglected me even more after that,abandoning me when I needed her support most._

_At eleven I began noticing how everyone was more perfect than me,thinner. That's how I met ana,she was my best,and only friend for the next five years._

_She was the only person who never abandoned me.She was always there,whispering into my ears,Don't eat that,too many calories,see that girl?she's much thinner than you._

_At thirteen I went on a date with a older boy,I'd never much liked him,but all the other girls thought he was a total hottie._

_I went to his house for dinner,His parents were out,we watched a movie together with popcorn,though I of course ate nothing.He began feeling me,I told him to stop.He didn't listen._

_Three months later I found I was pregnant._

_I got the baby aborted of course,I didn't want to be a thirteen year old mum.But I always felt so unbearably guilty,even now I still wonder What would have happened if I'd kept my baby._

_After that Renee became physically abusive, I had to go straight to school and back. I had to cook and clean for her.Some days she'd push me down the stairs or hit me and kick._

_other days she threw boiling water on me,some times it was just a simple slap._

_My self harm went crazy,I was cutting around ten times a day. I ran out of space on my arms and moved to my thighs._

_At fifteen I slit my wrists. Renee took me to the hospital and unfortunately I lived._

_Two years later when I had just turned seventeen,Renee got bored of me and sent me to live with charlie in the small rainy town of forks ._

_That is where I met Edward Cullen._

I'm snapped back from the past to reality as Michael finishes and pulls his jeans up"She sure is good," He grunts,and leaves.

James and Victoria have a whispered conversation in a language I don't know.Probably deciding what to do with me,I hope they kill me. 

James comes toward me with a evil grin I shut my eyes and wait for the hands around my neck,the pain,the fire.  
Instead he undoes the chains around my wrists and feet."We wanna play a little game with you sugar."He says"the rules are simple;  
You run,We hunt.  
When we catch you,we'll torture you.  
Don't go near other vampires,they'll only kill you themselves.  
You have two hours to run,before we start looking for you.Ok sugar,"  
I was in shock"but why would you want to hunt me?"  
I asked " I'm a vampire now."

"that'll just make it more fun sugar."he laughs.


	2. on the run

"Don't hurt me please,"The man sobbed while I watched him,already bored.

That had been my life for the past month,hunting,running and hiding.

The first time I was so crazy with thirst I massacred a whole village,having just enough sense left to afterwards burn it to the ground.

James had been true to his word,torturing me for days on end,only stopping occasionally to have a drink, waving the body teasingly just in front of me,the bloodlust driving me half insane.

I had no clue where I was now, names of places meant nothing to me anymore.

It was ironic really, how as a human I had longed to travel to distant lands, now I had no interest in anything except blood,and staying alive.

I would had liked to kill myself ,end my life on my own terms,rather then some worthless toy.  
But,as I soon discovered, I could survive the jump off anything , knives shattered the moment they touched my stone skin,and drugs had no effect.  
The only chance I had left to die,would be to find some other vampires to kill me.  
How I would accomplish this,I had no idea, but my plan was simple;  
Find a vampire,any vampire except a cullen,and basically either just ask or if that failed ,annoy them so much,they lose their  
temper and destroy me,ending my miserable existence.

My only other option would be to try and fight both James and Victoria.  
I knew in such a fight I would be outnumbered not only by amount of people,but by skill as well.And they proably would not even kill me,instead choosing to starve and beat me so much I would not even dream of rebelling ever again.

I was so lost in thoughts, that I did not even notice the vampires creeping up on me until they got far too close for comfort and my shield buzzed,alerting me of thier presence.

As I looked around I could only see and smell three but they looked terrifying, all with eyes a much deeper red than mine, a sign of a older vampire .  
All dressed in long cloaks in varying shades of black, there was a huge man, with many silvery bite mark scars on his thick neck.  
His threatening appearance alone triggered my instincts to run as fast as I could and never return.  
Next to him was a petite girl with dark crimson eyes and dark blonde hair in an tight bun.  
The last person was a dark man with bulging biceps and shaved black hair.

"pain" The small blonde said me,with a beautiful smile,with quickly turned to a glare."It's not working." she spat.  
That strange statment got the attention of the others.  
"we should take her to the queens."


	3. The Queens

I was ushered along by the huge man who had introduced himself as Felix.  
His silent companions behind me did not bother with names.  
I recognised the small blonde girl from the Cullens painting of the volturi standing next to the three eerily beautiful men.  
.  
Carlisle had told me The three men were the rulers of the vampire world but If those men were the leaders of the volturi who were these 'queens' they spoke of.  
The kings wives maybe, but if that was the case why would they talk about taking me to them, as opposed to the kings?  
I was full of questions,that I knew I would proably never get answers for, after all,all I wanted to do is die.  
This is a gift in disguise, the Cullens had spoken of the kings as though they were monstrous beings, incapable of feeling emotion, so surely they would slaughter me without a second thought.

And then I would be free.  
Free from this hellish life, I did not know we're vampires went when dead.  
I was certain would never make it to heaven,hell maybe.  
But even burning for eternity sounded better than living.

my captors and I came to a seemingly normal,deserted alleyway,before stopping suddenly.  
If my heart still beat it would be insanely fast,was this it.  
Was this where I was about to die, a random alley in Italy,If so I accepted it.

As I watched,Felix stopped next to me pulling up a manhole lid, before jumping into the endless black.  
"you next ." the other man glared, reaching forward,proably to push me.  
I jumped before he could touch me,the fear of the unknown overpowered by my fear of being touched.  
I hit the bottom landing easily on both feet, I nearly laughed, the easy grace I had now was so different to my human clumsiness.

The others landed behind me,walking briskly down a fancy hallway, I hurried to follow them and we soon came to a lift which I hesitately stepped into, my fears returned as I was in this confined space with people who looked like they would like nothing better than to kill me.  
And yes I did want to die but now the possibility of that was very real I was well, scared.

We exited into a decorative room with a human woman sitting behind a desk.  
The woman's sparkling green eyes and glossy dark hair would proably make her look gorgeous in any other company, but compared to the flawless inhuman beauty of the vampires around me she looked drab and plain by comparison.Every flaw seen easily by my new sharp eyesight. 

Felix spoke to her quickly in Italian,obviously thinking I could not understand, In actual fact I had always loved learning new languages and had mastered quite a few, Italian included.

The Secretary made a phone call while we waited and she soon waved us through the beautifully carved wooden doors behind her.

We made our way through yet another, nearly identical to all the others, corridor adorned with beautiful paintings.Until arriving at an elegant, yet ornate door with gorgeous gold patterns.

All of the castle I had seen so far looked very expensive, so much so it was rather intimidating.  
Having grown with very little money, and surviving on the bare nessecities, as of course all the money had to go to Renee's daily cocaine hit.

I was always uncomfortable by how the Cullens threw around money as if it was nothing, even more so when they had bought me expensive presents.

I was dragged arubtly from my thoughts as Felix pushed open the door and We stepped inside the room and I liked around in awe, the extrodinary beauty of the room rendering me speechless.

At the front of the room were three gorgeously carved thrones, and on them sat three women.

The one on the left was smaller than the others and had hair as black as a star less night sky , flowing in loose curls to her waist.She was wearing an old fashioned dark red dress, that complimented her caramel coloured skin and black curls perfectly.

The woman on the right seemed tall , even sitting down and had platinum blonde hair pulled into a rigid bun.  
A few strands had drifted free,framing her scowling yet extraordinarily beautiful face.  
She wore Tight black trousers and top, she seemed more the fighter out of the three of them.

"So what do we have here?" A melodious voice asked drawing my attention to the third woman, the one in the middle.  
She was leaning forward looking excited, Her dark golden blonde hair in a bouncy ponytail.  
She was wearing a short cherry red dress that showed her long slim legs, she was not as pale as most vampires,looking almost as though she had a tan.

"we found her near Siena, Mistress Sulpicia."Felix told her.  
"Wonderful!" she exclaimed,holding out her hand to him.  
I watched confused as he briefly placed his hand in hers before drawing back and returning next to me.I remembered Carlisle saying that The king Aro had the ability to read all thoughts with a touch,and the kings seemed to be women but maybe they're gifts were the same.

"And whats your name?" she asked bestowing her enormous smile,that to be honest I was beginning to find a little creepy, on me.  
"Isabella." I say, determined not to show my fear,looking her straight in her dark almost burgundy eyes.

This seemed to excite her as she elbowed the women either side of her, catching their attention as they looked at me.

Just as I was starting to feel uncomfortable with three pairs of eyes scrutinizing me, she clapped her hands "How truly Wonderful," she declares " Isabella you shall stay here."

"I won't ." I glare, I don't want to stay here with these strange vampires I just met, I can't , I need to run,or James and Victoria will find me.


	4. Cupcakes and new friends

I sat cross legged, on the edge of of the bed.  
My protests ignored, I was forced to stay because of some stupid 'rule', that apparently newborn had to be looked after by other vampires for the first year of life to teach them how to control bloodlust and other equally ridiculous things.  
I was quite certain that they had made these rules up on the spot.  
I glared down at the clothes I had been given,a plain long sleeved white top and black jeans.  
If I was going to be forced to stay here I would just sit in this room and do nothing.

I smelt something strange in the air, a scent of burnt tires and wet leaves, curious, I opened the elaborately decorated door, and stepped through.  
I followed the scent to a small door, less fancy than the rest, pushing it open I saw the pretty green eyed human, from before, taking a tray of what looked like vanilla cupcakes out if a oven.  
I must of made a sound, because she whirled around in alarm, dropping the cupcake tray.

Feeling guilty I ran and scooped up the tray before it fell handing it back to the woman with an apologetic smile.  
"thank you." she whispered, casting a wary look at my scarlet eyes.  
She stood and stared at me, seeming unwilling to turn away lest I attack.  
"So what are you making?" I asked, just to break the arkward silence.  
It was a strange feeling, to know that a human was a afraid of me,when not so long I was just as human as she is.

"Cupcakes." she answered hastily,she paused looking at me,"would-would you like to help ?"

"I would love to." I smile, as she leads me to a the table and makes icing, giving me the piping bag.  
Over the course of icing 12 cupcakes I learn a lot about the human, who's name I find out is Gianna.

She's native Italian, 22 years old and always wanted to be a receptionist, she tells me about how on her first day of working here,they told her what they were and that she would never see her family ever again.

I tell her only small useless pieces of information about myself , knowing every thing I say will be passed through to Sulpicia through Giannas memories.

It's all going so well, Gianna and I having a cosy little chat like friends,when she cuts her finger.

She gasps,horrified, looking at me in terror, backing away though i can see on her face she knows that she will never outrun me.

I almost laugh at the irony of this situation, the scent of her blood, rich and floral, invading my senses,taking over my every thought.  
now I know how the Cullens must of felt at my birthday party,where I carelessly cut my finger on a piece of wrapping paper.

I am determined, I will not be anymore of a monster than I already am,I turn and run.


	5. Don't Cry

I wander through a seemingly endless maze of corridors, passing what must have been hundreds of doors, each different, but all equally elaborate and beautiful.

My thoughts wandered back to Gianna, I hoped she was ok, I must have scared her a lot.  
Stopping I sat down, leaning against a wall, tucking my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around myself.  
I felt guilty, I could have killed her and it would have all been my fault for being so stupid, I was a monster, frozen in time forever.  
I could never again have real friends, I could never go out to a beach and paddle in the sun, I could never have children, a family.  
And what about Charlie?  
What must he think had happened, when I disappeared, leaving only a pool of blood on my bedroom floor as any clue of what happened to me.

mike, jessica, angela,my friends I hadn't seen them since edward left ,preferring to hole away upstairs, than come and talk with visitors.

And what would Renee think of me now?  
She'd always told me that I'd go to the bad,  
She was probably delighted when charlie told her I'd gone,no more trouble from me, no risk of me telling anyone about the way she treated me.  
Her and Phil probably had a party when they found out.

I felt cold tears dripping down my cheeks, and almost laughed.  
I hadn't cried in so long I thought I had forgottten how to,Renee hated when I cried or showed any emotion in front of her.  
If I let out a sound while she was beating me up, she hit me harder, and screamed at me to shut up.

So I learned to be quiet, to be obedient and to follow orders quickly knowing id be hurt less that way.  
I cooked and cleaned for her, bought the shopping with money I earned myself by doing jobs for people, if I ever earned any money I always had to hide it, otherwise it would go straight to Renee's drugs.

When I moved to forks I automatically started cleaning Charlie's house every day, cooking dinner and giving him lunch before he left for work everyday.  
I had been suprised by his thank yous and pleases , Renee took everything I did for granted.

I started sobbing harder, my tears running down my cheeks like a river of misery and pain.

" Are you ok?" A soft voice asked, and I jumped up immediately, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand, internally cursing myself for being so weak. Looking up to see the dark haired queen, Didyme.

"Im fine." I snapped, my sadness turning quickly into anger.  
It was these people who were keeping me here against my will.  
And they weren't even going to kill me, If I could leave I could find people who were willing, instead I had to stay here, what about when James and Victoria came after me?  
These people would definitely be strong enough to win against them, but I knew they had no reason to fight for me.  
They would laugh as James and Victoria tortured me,  
I need to get away, If I got out of here I could hide and stay away from the devilish duo.  
I ached for my silver knife, a handy tool I stolen from a little antique shop.  
It was the only thing I could find that would cut through my skin.  
Not deep enough to kill, but deep enough to hurt, to bleed. Minutes after I cut myself with it the wounds faded to pink lines that faded to pal  
scars, a few shades darker than my paper white skin tone.

"Are you lost?" Didyme continues,so maddeningly calm, like Nothing and is wrong in the world, I snap "I am not lost !" I shout.To caught in rage to care who I am talking to.

I storm of , not even knowing where I'm going, only wanting to get away.  
I hear soft footsteps, and know I am being followed. I walk down more corridors, still fuming, I recognise a particular painting that I remember seeing, near the room I was put in. I follow in that direction only to get more an more confused. How the hell do these people find their way around, and not get lost?

"Fine.,"I sighed,"Im lost." Gifting me a stunning smile, Didyme pivots around and strolls down a corridor, I reluctantly follow. Hurrying forward to catch up " How do you not get lost?" I enquire, looking up at her neutral expression. She shrugs"You'll get used to it." Is her simple answer. I glare, I don't want to get used to it, I just have to stay a year, than I am free. But a lot could happen in a year, I had less than a year with Edward, and I managed to fall head over heels in love with him. We reach the room and I step inside, I bite my lip "thank you."I whisper, not quite meeting her eyes.

<. 

__

I step into the room, still fuming for no reason at all really.


	6. tour

What must be hours later,I hear a knock on the door, and reluctantly I stand and open it.

On the other side is sulpicia,she's changed clothes I notice Into a long dress, that looks as though it was painted on, clinging to every luscious curve, Its a obnoxious shade of yellow.  
I hate yellow.

"I have come to take you on a tour!" She smiles looking me up and down, "Why haven't you changed?" she asks wrinkling her nose, I look at my clothes, ripped, and bloodstained.  
"I shan't." I glare,hating her, hating everything,especially how hot she is.  
I hate that that I don't hate her.

I follow her down the corrider, she stood and pauses at the end pointing to a beautiful painting that looks like an antique, every thing here is an antique I suppose, even the people.Exept for me, and Gianna I wish I could go and see her, but I can't ,I can't go anywhere near here because it is too dangerous I could kill her.  
I wonder if this is how edward felt around me, how they all did.  
I feel guilty for all the pain I must have put them through, it was all my fault I should never have gone to forks, If I begged enough Renee might have let me go with her and Phil, then I wouldn't be here, I would never know about vampires my life would still be normal, I would still be human.

we walk down the halls, sulpicia telling me about the paintings and things we pass.  
It's proably very interesting but I'm too wrapped up in my own dark thoughts to listen.  
I see quite a few vampires watching us curiously, when i catch the eye of one, a tall maghonany haired woman, with crimson lipstick the same colour as her eyes and an hourglass figure, she winks at me and mouths something I do not catch.

"That's heidi." Sulpicia tells me, seeing where I am looking, "she does the fishing."  
"fishing?" I question imagining the glamorous woman with a fishing rod.

"For people." she explains.

For some reason this makes me angry,the idea of people's lives being taken this carelessly,can't these people even be bothered to hunt themselves ?

I feel guilty then, remembering the people I've killed, murdered without any hint of remorse.  
I remember Killing the people in the small village, too caught up in my bloodlust to care, I remember waking up from the red fog with a little girl's mangled and bloody form by my feet.  
I sat there and cried, cried for the loss of these innocent people and of my humanity.

I made a decision, I would try the cullen' s diet of animal blood only, maybe if I did not kill people I would not be so much of a monster.

I miss most of the tour, we come to a door which she pushes open and steps in side beckoning to me to follow.  
I walk into a beautiful gothic room, the walls a deep shade of red, a huge bed in the middle, I look at sulpicia wondering why she would take me to what is quite obviously a bedroom.  
My unsaid question is soon answered, as she opens another door and We walk into a office a dark wooden desk in the middle and the other two queens sitting in chairs on the other side, there is a empty chair in the middle of them which sulpicia sits in.

I sit in a chair on the opposite side and look down at my hands and I feel their scrutinizing gaze on me.

"so Isabella, we need to talk to you." Didyme says giving me a reassuring smile, I look down at my lap as soon as I meet her eyes reminded of how is screamed at her.

"Who created you?" Sulpicia asks and I do not know how to answer, I could lie or say I don't know, maybe they won't even know who victoria and James are, I doubt it they proably know all the vampires.

" It's not a difficult question." athenodora says sharply and I bite my lip.

"I can't say ." I answered , If they know they might invite victoria and James here and I could not let that happen I couldn't go through the torture again.

"why not?" Didyme enquires, looking at me curiously.  
" I just can't."

I shift uncomfortably on the seat, wishing I was not here.

"How old are you?" 

"17,"I answer, fidgeting, Why do these women make me so nervous?

" I wish I could read you ." sulpicia sighs" it would make this much easier."


	7. As straight  as  a ruler

I sit awkwardly at the table,wishing I was somewhere else,I should never have been so stupid as to come to italy I should have remembered what edward told me about the volturi, though the painting was of three men, not woman i was still confused about that but did not dare ask.

I wondered how charlie was faring without me, proably eating unhealthy foods, burgers and steaks every night.  
I worried for his health.

Athenodora seized my wrist and examined my hand.  
"How did you get this Isabella?" She asked in a voice as cold as ice, her gaze locked on a bite mark victoria had given me.The scar was silvery white almost the same as my skin tone and so barely noticeable.

"when I was turned?"  
I lie weakly,cursing my awful lies and the way that sounded like a question.

"Turning bites look different."sulpicia said, pointing to the very front of my neck where my long hair does not cover"that is a turning bite, this is not."

"we do not like secrets being kept from us."

I fiddles with my hands, not knowing what to say.  
Didyme,previously silent throughout places a hand on sulpicia's bare arm, letting her know her thoughts I realise.

"Dora why don't you escort Isabella back to her room?"  
Sulpicia asks,giving a nod to the dark haired queens unspoken question.

She gets up and leaves out of another door, gesturing to me to follow.  
I walk being her as she takes me down a vaugley familiar corridor.

"Keep up." she orders sharply, and I hurry forward to her side.  
I look up at her expressionless face, trying to catch some emotion, but getting none.

I fall behind again, glaring at her back, hating how I feel so nervous, hating how absolutely gorgeous her ass looks in those tight trousers..

Wait a second, I don't like girls in that way, I don't, I can't.  
I am as straight as a ruler, I know I am, sure sometimes I think girls are hot, and sometimes I looked at the other girls in the changing rooms.  
But I am definitely straight, definitely.  
These are just little moments of weakness, I'm sure everyone has them, that dosent mean I like like girls.

I just need to get a boyfriend, and then these strange feelings, these butterflies in my stomach will disappear.

In sure there are male members of the volturi that would be intrested, I just needed to find one.

To be honest I don't really want a man anywhere near me, whenever I look at men now all I can think about is James and what he did to me.

Every time some one touches me, All I can think about is the agony and pain I have gone through, first from my mother and her boyfriend and then James.

These feelings will disappear with time though, maybe I could even get back together with the love of my life, edward, only now he has Jacob, he dosent want me anymore , no-one does, I am broken now, broken and unloveable.

I might as well give myself up to James and Victoria, they would hurt me sure, but after all I've been through what was a little more pain?  
If after they let me go I just sat and refused to run they would get bored and kill me, and then I would be free.

I don't know how I would get away from the volturi though, I will just have to think of a plan to escape. It shouldn't be too hard I could probably jump out of a window and run away.


	8. i dont even know

As soon as Athenodora leaves, I go to the bathroom and take a quick shower, sighing in bliss at the hot water.

When I get out I get dressed in the clothes and peer anxiously at myself in the long mirror by the door.  
Did this top make me look fat,God my legs were huge.  
My legs nearly give out in despair,Vampires were supposed to be beautiful and perfect, but I was none of that, I was still as ugly, still as fat as the day edward left me.

I turn away from the mirror and leave out of the door of the bathroom, I look out the window of the room and break open the lock and climb out, onto the roof.

Its dark outside, the sky like black velvet sprinkled with light, and I lie down on the roof and stare upwards at the stars.

I relax looking, I am so small compared to the stars and my problems are only small too,unimportant.

I stay there until the sky turns orange and pink, as the sun comes up and the stars disappear, and I breath in maybe my life's not so bad, surely James and Victoria would not dare come near the volturi, I am safe here.

I climb back in through the window and sit down, as the door slams open and a strange woman runs in, "there you are!",she exclaims,"everyone's been lioking for you."  
She pauses,"I'm chelsea by the way."

She leaves, though not before warning me to stay where I am.  
She returns with all three queens, whose faces oddly show worry and relief.

Why would they be worried about me,I was nothing to them, nothing to anybody and I never would be.  
Maybe Renee's right and I am a unloveable waste of space who would be better of dead.

"where were you?"Sulpicia asks.

"On the roof." I answer distracted by a moth on the wall behind her, I can see every tiny hair on its body, every speck of dust on its wings.

"Are you even listening to me?" she continues angrily.

"yes." I lie tearing my eyes away from the moth back to her.  
Which Is a bad idea because then I begin noticing her smooth poreless skin and long curled eyelashes, then I begin to notice her slim figure her large round boobs the shape noticeable through her tight dress.

I miss most of what she's saying because I'm more focused on the way her plump red lips move when she talks 

STOP IT. I mentally scream, why am I thinking such vile unnatural thoughts about another woman?

"so,do you agree?" she asks.  
I have no clue what she's been talking about i quickly say "yes" 

Athenodora snorts, "She was too busy staring at you to even listen to what you were saying cia."

Sulpicia smirks at me," don't worry about it sweetie you can stare at me all you like , i don't mind."  
she winks.

I focus back onto the moth.


	9. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EnvyOtaku this ones for you, sorry its short and probably rubbish.

I am moved to a new room with, thicker walls and no windows.  
I don't care.  
I step into the shower in the attached bathroom still fully dressed and the water runs crimson.

I slice open my arms again and again, cutting straight through the silvery scar left by james in the ballet studio, digging deeper and deeper until i see a flash of white bone, through layers of angry pink, I look more human under my cold white skin, more alive.  
My skin is barely visible anymore,too covered in blood to see.

I sit down under the shower, letting the water run over my head,as I stare at my arms, at the walls, splattered with my blood, I stare at the blade, glowing silver on the floor.

I lean my head back shutting my eyes and I sob, wishing that I was someone else, anyone else.  
It would be better than being me.

Hours later that is where Sulpicia finds me, sitting in a pool of bloody water with the deeper cuts on my wrists still gaping open, not able to heal without feeding.

I don't even bother to move,hopefully she'll just kill me and be done with it,Hopefully.

But of course things never go my way, and she just picks me up and takes me to their room.

I open my eyes to two pairs of eyes anxiously looking down on me, to bandaged wrists and the blade that was clutched in my hand gone,My hopes gone.

They say nothing and neither do I.  
I look up as Athenodora returns, walking through the door holding on to two humans, two women, one with golden hair and the other dark.  
These are people, I remind myself, people with family and dreams, people with lives.

Every part of me is screaming at me to kill them to sink my teeth into warm skin and let the delicious warm blood run down my burning throat.  
But I won't, I won't, I won't, I wo-

I rip them into pieces savagely draining the bodies of every drop of blood and feel the skin on my arms knit together and begin to heal.

And the worst part is I don't even feel guilty.  
How did the Cullens do it, how did they resist killing every one in forks, how did edward resist my blood,so easily like it scarcely mattered.

I wish I had that sort of control,I didn't want to be a monster.

But I was, and feared I would always be.


End file.
